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Parents call for equal rights for LGBT New Yorkers
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| More than 2,000 friends and family members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community rallied at New YorkÕs Capitol April 28 for marriage equality, transgender rights and protection for LGBT students. Attendees traveled from all over New York, including Columbia County. (Photo by Lisa Brown) |
Note: This is Part II of a two-part series on Equality & Justice Day held April 28 in Albany. Part I was on marriage and equality for same-sex couples. Part II is on the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act and the Dignity For All Students Act.
By Sesame Campbell
ALBANY — Hardly any parent or family member wants to see their child or friend targeted for harassment or face unequal protection under the law. Yet for many in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community, discrimination and fear are their daily backdrop. Stories told to legislators on April 28 were from constituents who spoke on behalf of their transgender children, LGBT students, relatives and themselves.
In a nearby rural community, a man who identifies himself as a “transman” fears for his safety and that of his female partner. He said that current laws do not protect him and his family. Fear of further discrimination resulted in the creation of a pseudonym “Smith” in this article for identification purposes.
“For many transgender people in New York, discrimination is very real. It is something I experience daily; whether wondering if I should use a public restroom and possibly be targeted, or apply for a job, or ask myself if it is safe for me to walk down a particular street. People view us more as a ‘what’ instead of a ‘who,’” Smith said.
Transgender is an umbrella term used to designate a community of people who regularly present themselves in a gender different from the sex assigned to them at birth and who live a significant part of their lives in that gender. This includes people who have undergone medical procedures to change their sex and those who have not. Transsexual people are those who have access or intentions to gender transition care.
However, not all people who have accessed medical options for their gender transition identify as transsexual. Much like the word homosexual, transsexual has its roots in diagnosis, either from medical or psychological sources.
Smith said that gender identity is not a clairvoyant moment that occurs in everyone’s lives, regardless of whether they are transgender. While some people have a concept of their gender identity from early on, some people do not. He does, however, identify that what he was being told did not match up with what he felt.
“I remember at 7 years old, watching Disney movies and being asked by my mother who my favorite princess was and which one I wanted to be. I didn’t relate to the princesses. I always wanted to be the prince.”
Clothes were often disruptive to how Smith viewed himself. Skirts and dresses were not conducive to his ability to climb trees or play sports. “They always felt restrictive,” he said. “For my first Halloween costume, I went as a boy.”
Estranged from most members of his family, first for coming out as a lesbian and later because of his decision to transition to a male, Smith is grateful for his grandmother’s consistent support.
“She raised me and has been incredibly supportive and receptive, despite being over 70 years old,” Smith said. “When I told her I was transitioning I asked her if she knew what it meant and she said yes, that she saw a special on Barbara Walters.”
She gave her grandson her blessing.
Smith added that the people closest to him had the easiest time accepting his decision. His grandmother had witnessed his struggle with severe depression.
“Depression was part of my struggle. I don’t think I could possibly separate it from my gender identity if I tried. Your gender is not something you can ignore. Every day someone is going to address you with a pronoun that might have degrading consequences. It wears on you. And at the time, I couldn’t place what was causing me so much anguish. People were never able to tell what gender I was. So for me, transitioning was a decision to live more as the gender with what I felt and thus be read by the rest of the world.”
Smith gave two examples of discriminating instances that had terrible consequences for him and those around him. The first was when he was in high school and he first came out as a lesbian.
Throughout his life, Smith had been in and out of foster care. “I was placed with a teacher who happened to be a lesbian and the best role model I could have asked for. When I came out, my incredibly homophobic father helped get her fired. She was implicated with the reason I came out. It simply wasn’t true.”
A second was when he was working as a customer service representative. According to Smith, a customer said that she didn’t understand why he was dressed like a man when he could easily be a pretty girl.
“I noticed my hands were starting to shake. So I said that I was sorry that she didn’t appreciate the way I looked. She told me that it was a free country and she could say whatever she liked. I apologized again, as I was constantly apologizing. In other places, if that woman would have complained, I could have been fired. But once I explained what happened, my employer turned around and stood up for me. I was very fortunate.”
There are numerous examples of discrimination that Smith recalled, including being turned down for apartments and jobs.
“I was asked in one interview, ‘do you think you could come to work in a skirt?’ Or ‘do you think you can grow out your hair?’ I can’t do either of those two things,” he said.
Although Smith and his partner have been together since he still identified as female, it is not legal for them to marry because of a small “f” that appears on his birth certificate.
“It is not legal for us to marry because there are medical requirements for the state to change my birth certificate,” he said.
Because of state requirements, Smith would have to provide medical evidence to the DMV that he is predominately male and no longer female.
“Someone who doesn’t know me would have to look at me and the documentation I provide and tell me whether or not I am valid; whether or not my body is valid. Forget HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). My medical information becomes public record and part of that status.”
He paused, “How can you be treated like a human being if you don’t have the same rights of privacy that everyone else has? As a transman, my entire psychological and medical history is up for public discussion.”
When asked how that makes him feel, Smith replied that he feels like he has been assigned the role of an unequivocally unknown and foreign being, like a space alien. “You are not human. You are not a person. You’re almost a monster, unrecognizable to the system,” he said.
Like many of the couples and parents interviewed for this story, Smith shares many of the same hopes and dreams. “We want to raise our family in peace,” he said. “We obtained our first dream two years ago when we bought our first house and made it into a safe, loving and caring home. I’ll probably grow into a grumpy old man like my grandfather and I want to live with my wife. I want to raise our kids to be respectful of all people. I want to be supportive of my future kids so that they can achieve any of the dreams they have. I want to be able to walk down the street safely. And I want legal recognition of our relationship, regardless of that medical letter.
“I want to be recognized not as a foreign concept, but as a person in a real, loving and committed partnership,” he continued. “I plan on being the best transman and husband to my beautiful wife as I can be, always. And it would be wonderful to know that I can always get a job where I wouldn’t be treated differently based on my gender.”
Rex and Karen Butt of Poughkeepsie have a transsexual daughter who lives at home. Rex, a university professor, and Karen, a middle school teacher, said they wanted to share their personal stories with their legislators to “move things in the right direction,” not only for their children, but for other children who have been faced with bullying in schools.
“Our child didn’t realize that she was transsexual until she was an adult,” Karen said. She tried very hard to fit in when she was in school. As her mother, what I worry about is that she is safe, that she can work without harassment or loosing her job, her benefits or face discrimination for who she is.”
The Butts told of how their daughter was working at a job where offensive language was used, which made her uncomfortable enough to leave her place of employment. She now works for a company where she is protected.
“Although she is in a safe place now, in this economic downturn, if she had to leave that job, she might not be protected,” Karen said.
Amy Whitman, a Chatham resident and educator, said she was advocating on behalf of the thousands of students throughout New York state who suffer from discrimination. “The bill would add the gender identity piece for protection of students in school,” she said. “It would also require teacher training — a very important piece.”
Whitman, who sits on the board of GLSEN, Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, said that just this month, there was a fourth suicide of a middle school-aged child linked to bullying this year. Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11-year-old Massachusetts boy, hanged himself on April 6 after enduring bullying at school, including daily taunts of being gay despite his mother’s weekly pleas to the school to address the problem.
The boy would have turned 12 on April 17, the same day hundreds of thousands of students participated in the 13th annual National Day of Silence, a day marked to bring attention to anti-LGBT bullying and harassment at school.
Sen. Steve Saland, R,C,I-Poughkeepsie, said the GENDA (Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act) bill has not yet come before him for consideration, but reviewed the Dignity for all Students Act, when it was referred to the Senate Committee on Education.
“I compared the bill to the bill I introduced as they both provide certain protections to students against bullying. Child protection issues have long been a priority for me and I believe every student has the right to a safe learning environment. My bill builds upon the SAVE (Schools Against Violence in Education) legislation that I helped craft in 2000 which required all schools to adopt a code of conduct,” he said.
“In my bill I made this a function of their code of conduct. Bullying would be added to existing instruction of citizenship, civility, and character education for the purposes of discouraging bullying. I didn’t create another bureaucratic level for requirements and expenses to already overburdened taxpayers.”
“I believed this was a better avenue to achieve a similar goal because it did so without the unfunded mandates that were in the Dignity for All Students Act,” he said. While children’s safety is an utmost concern I am sensitive to the fiscal realities schools and taxpayers are facing.”
Alan Van Capelle, executive director of Empire State Pride Agenda, the statewide LGBT organization that hosted Equality and Justice Day, said he was tremendously pleased with the thousands of allies and supporters of the LGBT community who came to Albany to speak with their legislators.
“I think that winning the votes in the Legislature come from a three-pronged strategy — a head, heart and gut approach — where we give them the facts and figures faced by members of their communities, a narrative and picture of what it is like from the people from their districts who drive down their streets, share their sense of community. The gut part of this is that they connect this vote with a historical perspective. No one will remember how they voted on the budget. But history will cement how they voted on equality and justice.”
Capelle said he has found that since January there has been an increasing desire from legislators in both parties to engage in marriage equality, GENDA and Dignity legislative conversations. Many of the conversations were thoughtful and genuine, he said, with legislators asking many questions. “They have expressed their own concerns, some of their very personal concerns, and I am impressed with the level of discourse that has taken place.”
He added that as the issue continues to be addressed in a respectful tone and people are not demonized who are not supportive of the LGBT legislation, justice will prevail.
“I don’t think that people who don’t support us are homophobic,” he said. “I just don’t think they have had the opportunity to get to know us and the issues we face. It just means we have to work harder to educate, that’s all. You can protest and make them a villain, which I don’t think they are, or you can use this head, heart and gut strategy. When people find out who these people are, they respond in a positive way.”
He added that just because someone says no to marriage equality, GENDA legislation or equal protection for LGBT students today, doesn’t mean that they will tomorrow.
Unfortunately, Capelle said, there have been countless crisis situations where same-sex partners needed to focus their energy on their loved ones and were faced with less than tolerant bureaucrats. Those bureaucrats did not know what the law was and demanded proof of identification before they could participate in the proceedings.
“When you’re worried about your loved one who is dead or dying and you can’t see them because you didn’t bring the phone bill or the mortgage bill, you are being denied your humanity, because you are not viewed as an equal citizen under the law.”
Capelle said that he appreciates those who see marriage as a religious right. However, in Massachusetts, that marriage has not tread on religious freedom in any way.
As for the GENDA and Dignity legislation, Capelle said there are no unfunded mandates. “No one has been able to show any kind of fiscal impact these bills might have on school districts or employers. No one is going to be asked to build separate bathrooms for students,” he said. “Many schools already have specific bathrooms that are not gender specific. And schools are no different from workplaces. In workplaces, they have taken bathrooms and made them into single occupancies by just a sign on the outside door.”
According to Capelle, 13 other states have already done this without any uproar from school districts or any financial implication from businesses.
“I think that people often whittle this down to a bathroom bill. But it is less about this and more about someone’s livelihood or about someone’s job, or someone’s ability to obtain credit, or be able to send someone to college, simply because of how they are gender presented,” he said.
By Sesame Campbell
ALBANY — Hardly any parent or family member wants to see their child or friend targeted for harassment or face unequal protection under the law. Yet for many in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community, discrimination and fear are their daily backdrop. Stories told to legislators on April 28 were from constituents who spoke on behalf of their transgender children, LGBT students, relatives and themselves.
In a nearby rural community, a man who identifies himself as a “transman” fears for his safety and that of his female partner. He said that current laws do not protect him and his family. Fear of further discrimination resulted in the creation of a pseudonym “Smith” in this article for identification purposes.
“For many transgender people in New York, discrimination is very real. It is something I experience daily; whether wondering if I should use a public restroom and possibly be targeted, or apply for a job, or ask myself if it is safe for me to walk down a particular street. People view us more as a ‘what’ instead of a ‘who,’” Smith said.
Transgender is an umbrella term used to designate a community of people who regularly present themselves in a gender different from the sex assigned to them at birth and who live a significant part of their lives in that gender. This includes people who have undergone medical procedures to change their sex and those who have not. Transsexual people are those who have access or intentions to gender transition care.
However, not all people who have accessed medical options for their gender transition identify as transsexual. Much like the word homosexual, transsexual has its roots in diagnosis, either from medical or psychological sources.
Smith said that gender identity is not a clairvoyant moment that occurs in everyone’s lives, regardless of whether they are transgender. While some people have a concept of their gender identity from early on, some people do not. He does, however, identify that what he was being told did not match up with what he felt.
“I remember at 7 years old, watching Disney movies and being asked by my mother who my favorite princess was and which one I wanted to be. I didn’t relate to the princesses. I always wanted to be the prince.”
Clothes were often disruptive to how Smith viewed himself. Skirts and dresses were not conducive to his ability to climb trees or play sports. “They always felt restrictive,” he said. “For my first Halloween costume, I went as a boy.”
Estranged from most members of his family, first for coming out as a lesbian and later because of his decision to transition to a male, Smith is grateful for his grandmother’s consistent support.
“She raised me and has been incredibly supportive and receptive, despite being over 70 years old,” Smith said. “When I told her I was transitioning I asked her if she knew what it meant and she said yes, that she saw a special on Barbara Walters.”
She gave her grandson her blessing.
Smith added that the people closest to him had the easiest time accepting his decision. His grandmother had witnessed his struggle with severe depression.
“Depression was part of my struggle. I don’t think I could possibly separate it from my gender identity if I tried. Your gender is not something you can ignore. Every day someone is going to address you with a pronoun that might have degrading consequences. It wears on you. And at the time, I couldn’t place what was causing me so much anguish. People were never able to tell what gender I was. So for me, transitioning was a decision to live more as the gender with what I felt and thus be read by the rest of the world.”
Smith gave two examples of discriminating instances that had terrible consequences for him and those around him. The first was when he was in high school and he first came out as a lesbian.
Throughout his life, Smith had been in and out of foster care. “I was placed with a teacher who happened to be a lesbian and the best role model I could have asked for. When I came out, my incredibly homophobic father helped get her fired. She was implicated with the reason I came out. It simply wasn’t true.”
A second was when he was working as a customer service representative. According to Smith, a customer said that she didn’t understand why he was dressed like a man when he could easily be a pretty girl.
“I noticed my hands were starting to shake. So I said that I was sorry that she didn’t appreciate the way I looked. She told me that it was a free country and she could say whatever she liked. I apologized again, as I was constantly apologizing. In other places, if that woman would have complained, I could have been fired. But once I explained what happened, my employer turned around and stood up for me. I was very fortunate.”
There are numerous examples of discrimination that Smith recalled, including being turned down for apartments and jobs.
“I was asked in one interview, ‘do you think you could come to work in a skirt?’ Or ‘do you think you can grow out your hair?’ I can’t do either of those two things,” he said.
Although Smith and his partner have been together since he still identified as female, it is not legal for them to marry because of a small “f” that appears on his birth certificate.
“It is not legal for us to marry because there are medical requirements for the state to change my birth certificate,” he said.
Because of state requirements, Smith would have to provide medical evidence to the DMV that he is predominately male and no longer female.
“Someone who doesn’t know me would have to look at me and the documentation I provide and tell me whether or not I am valid; whether or not my body is valid. Forget HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). My medical information becomes public record and part of that status.”
He paused, “How can you be treated like a human being if you don’t have the same rights of privacy that everyone else has? As a transman, my entire psychological and medical history is up for public discussion.”
When asked how that makes him feel, Smith replied that he feels like he has been assigned the role of an unequivocally unknown and foreign being, like a space alien. “You are not human. You are not a person. You’re almost a monster, unrecognizable to the system,” he said.
Like many of the couples and parents interviewed for this story, Smith shares many of the same hopes and dreams. “We want to raise our family in peace,” he said. “We obtained our first dream two years ago when we bought our first house and made it into a safe, loving and caring home. I’ll probably grow into a grumpy old man like my grandfather and I want to live with my wife. I want to raise our kids to be respectful of all people. I want to be supportive of my future kids so that they can achieve any of the dreams they have. I want to be able to walk down the street safely. And I want legal recognition of our relationship, regardless of that medical letter.
“I want to be recognized not as a foreign concept, but as a person in a real, loving and committed partnership,” he continued. “I plan on being the best transman and husband to my beautiful wife as I can be, always. And it would be wonderful to know that I can always get a job where I wouldn’t be treated differently based on my gender.”
Rex and Karen Butt of Poughkeepsie have a transsexual daughter who lives at home. Rex, a university professor, and Karen, a middle school teacher, said they wanted to share their personal stories with their legislators to “move things in the right direction,” not only for their children, but for other children who have been faced with bullying in schools.
“Our child didn’t realize that she was transsexual until she was an adult,” Karen said. She tried very hard to fit in when she was in school. As her mother, what I worry about is that she is safe, that she can work without harassment or loosing her job, her benefits or face discrimination for who she is.”
The Butts told of how their daughter was working at a job where offensive language was used, which made her uncomfortable enough to leave her place of employment. She now works for a company where she is protected.
“Although she is in a safe place now, in this economic downturn, if she had to leave that job, she might not be protected,” Karen said.
Amy Whitman, a Chatham resident and educator, said she was advocating on behalf of the thousands of students throughout New York state who suffer from discrimination. “The bill would add the gender identity piece for protection of students in school,” she said. “It would also require teacher training — a very important piece.”
Whitman, who sits on the board of GLSEN, Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, said that just this month, there was a fourth suicide of a middle school-aged child linked to bullying this year. Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11-year-old Massachusetts boy, hanged himself on April 6 after enduring bullying at school, including daily taunts of being gay despite his mother’s weekly pleas to the school to address the problem.
The boy would have turned 12 on April 17, the same day hundreds of thousands of students participated in the 13th annual National Day of Silence, a day marked to bring attention to anti-LGBT bullying and harassment at school.
Sen. Steve Saland, R,C,I-Poughkeepsie, said the GENDA (Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act) bill has not yet come before him for consideration, but reviewed the Dignity for all Students Act, when it was referred to the Senate Committee on Education.
“I compared the bill to the bill I introduced as they both provide certain protections to students against bullying. Child protection issues have long been a priority for me and I believe every student has the right to a safe learning environment. My bill builds upon the SAVE (Schools Against Violence in Education) legislation that I helped craft in 2000 which required all schools to adopt a code of conduct,” he said.
“In my bill I made this a function of their code of conduct. Bullying would be added to existing instruction of citizenship, civility, and character education for the purposes of discouraging bullying. I didn’t create another bureaucratic level for requirements and expenses to already overburdened taxpayers.”
“I believed this was a better avenue to achieve a similar goal because it did so without the unfunded mandates that were in the Dignity for All Students Act,” he said. While children’s safety is an utmost concern I am sensitive to the fiscal realities schools and taxpayers are facing.”
Alan Van Capelle, executive director of Empire State Pride Agenda, the statewide LGBT organization that hosted Equality and Justice Day, said he was tremendously pleased with the thousands of allies and supporters of the LGBT community who came to Albany to speak with their legislators.
“I think that winning the votes in the Legislature come from a three-pronged strategy — a head, heart and gut approach — where we give them the facts and figures faced by members of their communities, a narrative and picture of what it is like from the people from their districts who drive down their streets, share their sense of community. The gut part of this is that they connect this vote with a historical perspective. No one will remember how they voted on the budget. But history will cement how they voted on equality and justice.”
Capelle said he has found that since January there has been an increasing desire from legislators in both parties to engage in marriage equality, GENDA and Dignity legislative conversations. Many of the conversations were thoughtful and genuine, he said, with legislators asking many questions. “They have expressed their own concerns, some of their very personal concerns, and I am impressed with the level of discourse that has taken place.”
He added that as the issue continues to be addressed in a respectful tone and people are not demonized who are not supportive of the LGBT legislation, justice will prevail.
“I don’t think that people who don’t support us are homophobic,” he said. “I just don’t think they have had the opportunity to get to know us and the issues we face. It just means we have to work harder to educate, that’s all. You can protest and make them a villain, which I don’t think they are, or you can use this head, heart and gut strategy. When people find out who these people are, they respond in a positive way.”
He added that just because someone says no to marriage equality, GENDA legislation or equal protection for LGBT students today, doesn’t mean that they will tomorrow.
Unfortunately, Capelle said, there have been countless crisis situations where same-sex partners needed to focus their energy on their loved ones and were faced with less than tolerant bureaucrats. Those bureaucrats did not know what the law was and demanded proof of identification before they could participate in the proceedings.
“When you’re worried about your loved one who is dead or dying and you can’t see them because you didn’t bring the phone bill or the mortgage bill, you are being denied your humanity, because you are not viewed as an equal citizen under the law.”
Capelle said that he appreciates those who see marriage as a religious right. However, in Massachusetts, that marriage has not tread on religious freedom in any way.
As for the GENDA and Dignity legislation, Capelle said there are no unfunded mandates. “No one has been able to show any kind of fiscal impact these bills might have on school districts or employers. No one is going to be asked to build separate bathrooms for students,” he said. “Many schools already have specific bathrooms that are not gender specific. And schools are no different from workplaces. In workplaces, they have taken bathrooms and made them into single occupancies by just a sign on the outside door.”
According to Capelle, 13 other states have already done this without any uproar from school districts or any financial implication from businesses.
“I think that people often whittle this down to a bathroom bill. But it is less about this and more about someone’s livelihood or about someone’s job, or someone’s ability to obtain credit, or be able to send someone to college, simply because of how they are gender presented,” he said.
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