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Same-sex couples ask legislators for their blessing
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| Peggy Gearity, left, and Sara Kahn-Gearity. (Contributed photo) |
County residents join rally for marriage equality rights
Note: This is Part I of a two-part series on Equality & Justice Day, held April 28 in Albany. Part I is on marriage and equality for same sex couples. Part II will focus on the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act and the Dignity For All Students Act.
By Sesame Campbell
ALBANY/GHENT — Sara Kahn-Gearity and Peggy Gearity of Ghent have been together for the last 34 years. Although they have been in a committed relationship for three and a half decades, the Gearitys had to go to the neighboring state of Massachusetts to have a legal marriage ceremony performed so that their friends and family could attend. On April 28, the Gearitys joined more than 2,000 New Yorkers from around the state to lobby their representatives for civil justice, equal rights and fairness for all citizens of New York state.
The women were part of a Columbia-Dutchess County contingent of more than 50 LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) New Yorkers and their allies, who traveled to Albany to push for the passage of bills that would provide marriage equality for same-sex couples, transgender civil rights and safe schools for LGBT youth. Speakers at the event included clergy, business officials, labor union leaders and members, Gov. David Paterson and numerous Democrat and Republican legislators.
“We’ve contributed to our society as upstanding citizens and believe in and support the values on which our country was founded,” Kahn-Gearity read in a prepared statement for Assemblyman Marc Molinaro, R-Red Hook, and Sen. Steve Saland, R,C,I-Poughkeepsie. “We have worked and paid taxes for the welfare of all, like the majority of New Yorkers. We have also worked toward a lifetime of hopes and goals, like most Americans, that would bring us to a secure retirement, together.”
Kahn-Gearity added that although she and her partner are blessed with family and friends that do not look at their marriage with anything less than a celebration of their commitment, the Gearitys still experience bigotry and a second-class citizenship.
“Despite our blessings, we continue to experience prejudices in every aspect of our lives, whether in filling out new patient forms with our doctors, the purchase of a home or the ability to opt for a joint lifetime annuity in the purchase of a retirement plan,” Gearity said. “Our ‘second-class citizenship’ as a same sex couple has denied us over 1,300 rights and protections in the state of New York, our home.”
The Gearitys recalled the exact date they met — May 2, 1975 — at a retreat for young women who were interested in religious life in Sparkill, Rockland County.
“We are both Catholic,” Kahn-Gearity said. “We thought we were both headed for religious life with the Dominican Sisters of Sparkill. God, however, had another plan.”
The women became friends through that connection. Within a year after meeting each other, Kahn-Gearity left, but Gearity stayed. Within 15 months, they both knew that there were more than friendship feelings between them. But to say anymore was dangerous; they were afraid they would lose their friendship.
Kahn-Gearity left for school and later transferred to the University at Albany. It was during that time that she shared her feelings with her partner and realized they were reciprocated.
In 1978, the women moved in together, each finished their college courses, graduated and began working.
“We lived very closeted,” Gearity said. “We separated for major holidays; our living space had an extra bedroom which covered the idea that we were roommates living together. For about 10 years, we lived isolated and didn’t know any other lesbian women.”
That changed when they became associated with an organization called the Conference for Catholic Lesbians (CCL). “That really was the beginning of our starting to come out and of knowing there were other people like us,” Kahn-Gearity said. “Up to that point we believed the same thing that everyone else believed, that gay and lesbians were promiscuous and they weren’t family oriented. It was great to meet women like us. We thought we were the only people in the world who were ‘normal.’”
The two women said that today, things are much different. “Today you would be accepting of yourself at a much younger age and family and friends would be more supportive,” Kahn-Gearity said. “But back in those days you felt like they would not be, whether or not that was the truth.”
The women were on vacation when they heard that Gov. Deval Patrick of Massachusetts repealed the law that prohibited nonresidents of the state to marry in Massachusetts.
Within minutes of hearing the announcement on National Public Radio, they looked at each other.
“We said, ‘Let’s get married!’ We’ve wanted to do that our whole lives together,” Kahn-Gearity said. “We haven’t had the same freedoms of expression, the same legal protections, the same justice and the same recognition. We’ve also spent a lot of time and money and legal advice to try and create legal documents that would protect us in whatever way possible that made it clear who and what we are together, so that no one should ever interfere with that. I was 18 when we met and we’ve lived as a married couple since we came together as a couple. It was an incredible moment.”
Like many parents, Dale and Gary Bernstein, also from Ghent, want to see their two sons married and enjoy their grandchildren. According to Dale, one of their sons is gay and the other is “ragingly straight” and an ally to the LGBT community. Like so many of the hundreds of parents who traveled to visit their legislators and advocate on behalf of their children, the Bernsteins grew up in households that expressed acceptance of LGBT lifestyles. Gary had a favorite aunt who was known to be a lesbian.
Dale, who served as the executive vice president of Human Resources at the New York Stock Exchange, advocated for LGBT legal benefits and protections at the NYSE long before her son came out. She is also a trained PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) mother. Both she and her husband suspected from early on during their son’s high school days that he might be gay.
Although he denied it for several years, their son finally came out to the family on the first night of Passover while in his freshman year in college. She said that despite her background and training, she had two reactions: one, that she had to rewrite the future she had already created for her son; and two, she worried about his safety.
“We have told our son that the only thing we were going to say were three things: The first is that it would make us very upset if he didn’t bring someone home to celebrate family holidays with; two, we always joke in our family that it is as easy to marry a Jew as it is to marry a non-Jew; and three, that being gay doesn’t alleviate you in your responsibility to provide us with grandchildren.”
Dale said that she found it interesting that her issues were not about her son directly, but with the fear factor of having an LGBT child.
“Anything that could make your child’s life more difficult in any way is an issue for a parent,” she said. “I never had to go through any issues of accepting him or accepting his homosexuality; that wasn’t even on the radar. It was all these other issues.”
The Bernsteins said that April 28 was exciting, exhilarating and sobering for them. While many legislators are on board with the three civil rights bills, there are some who are not. Although the legislative director from Saland’s office listened with compassion and sensitivity, the Bernsteins were concerned that their voices would not be heard by their representative.
“What was sobering was being confronted with people who have voted their religion in the past, but who aren’t present to listen to the real stories of real people suffering discrimination. But it was wonderful and very exciting and exhilarating to see over 2,000 people advocating in such an orderly and eloquent fashion. I am not sure any of the stories and images shared on Tuesday will move the senator. But being the eternal optimist, I will take the vote on the bills where we can get them and hope that other attitudes will change over time. I think that we have the votes needed in the Senate to pass the marriage bill this year. I want to see them all passed.”
Considering that views of marriage have changed dramatically in the last few years, it might happen. Today in America, she said, no one can deny marriage between races or across religious lines. “People who choose to focus on two lines in Leviticus are ignoring many other lines in Leviticus,” she said.
“We don’t stone adulterers today and we don’t own our wives. Why some lines from God are quoted and others are ignored I don’t understand. I can’t imagine why a love-committed relationship with two consenting adults who are willing to take on the rights, as well as the responsibilities, of that marriage should be denied. No one should take that right away.”
Dale added that there is a difference between civil marriage and religious marriage. “Civil unions aren’t always recognized by other states and separate is not equal,” she said. “We’ve already learned that lesson. There is no reason loving, committed people who happen to be gay are not allowed to have the same rights, and rites, as everyone else. And besides,” she chuckled, “love trumps Leviticus.”
The Gearitys also expressed disappointment that they were not able to address their legislators directly, as both Saland and Molinaro were unable to attend the meetings, although they were grateful for the receptiveness and warmth with which they were received by their legislative aides.
“It is important to us that they meet us, that they see our faces as human beings who fully contribute to society, but who have been denied the same civil rights and protections of other married couples in our state. We wanted to ask them to support same sex marriage and the civil rights of all in this state. And when they vote on this important matter, we wanted them to remember our faces as they cast their vote. We wanted them to know that our faces are the faces of human beings who have been denied equal access and the civil protections of our state and country.”
“Any issue that packs this kind of polarization is always going to be an issue that is challenging,” Saland said in a later interview. “While in the past I have supported SONDA (Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act), I do not anticipate supporting gay marriage. I have indicated that I am supportive of the concept of civil union, although I have not seen a civil union bill. As far as where I think this bill is going to go, I don’t think the bill will come out for a vote until it has the number of votes needed for it to go to the Senate floor.”
Saland said that the Brown vs. Board of Education case is not an apt comparison to the ruling by New York’s highest court, the Court of Appeals, which decided that marriage is not a constitutional right and therefore is up to the legislators and the governor to act in accordance.
“Our highest court has said that this is not a decision that is their decision,” Saland said. “My sense based on what I read and what I hear is that among younger people, they embrace more readily same-sex marriage. This may be in fact generational and if it is not an issue that is addressed immediately, it may well be in the future.”
In a later interview, Molinaro said that he takes his obligation very seriously to listen to both sides of the issues and that April 28 was the first time he has missed a meeting of consequence with the LGBT community.
“The stories I’ve heard from both sides of the issue who support and oppose this legislation are compelling,” he said. “My job is to figure out what is in the best interest of the people I represent, the state of New York and what makes good law. As of today, I am continuing to listen to my constituents.”
The assemblyman said that in many of the surrounding states that have passed marriage equality, the New York State Court of Appeals “seemingly passed the buck” when they ruled that the issue needed to be settled by the state Legislature.
“I realize that there are individuals who are in equally loving, compassionate and committed relationships that heterosexual couples share and are not provided the opportunity to share the same economic benefits of marriage. Having said that, I also recognize that for many of us, marriage has a definition, which is a big and substantial decision for us to change the definition through legislation. As the national and state debate continues and as legislators listen to people, our perspectives will continue to evolve.”
When asked if he had two children and one was gay and the other not, would he want the same rights and responsibilities afforded to both of his children, the assemblyman said of course.
“What parent wouldn’t? Both my wife and I are religious. I pray everyday that my children are loved by his or her partner. But just as there are those who fervently believe that government is discriminating, there are those that believe that marriage has a specific definition. I have always tried to seek common ground and maybe this is something where common ground can’t be found.”
He added that it was hard for him to see people that he respects, who he does not necessarily agree with, get angry and accuse him of not listening.
“I believe that the argument is compelling and has absolutely affected the way I look at the issue. I have voted one way, but am listening to everyone.”
Note: This is Part I of a two-part series on Equality & Justice Day, held April 28 in Albany. Part I is on marriage and equality for same sex couples. Part II will focus on the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act and the Dignity For All Students Act.
By Sesame Campbell
ALBANY/GHENT — Sara Kahn-Gearity and Peggy Gearity of Ghent have been together for the last 34 years. Although they have been in a committed relationship for three and a half decades, the Gearitys had to go to the neighboring state of Massachusetts to have a legal marriage ceremony performed so that their friends and family could attend. On April 28, the Gearitys joined more than 2,000 New Yorkers from around the state to lobby their representatives for civil justice, equal rights and fairness for all citizens of New York state.
The women were part of a Columbia-Dutchess County contingent of more than 50 LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) New Yorkers and their allies, who traveled to Albany to push for the passage of bills that would provide marriage equality for same-sex couples, transgender civil rights and safe schools for LGBT youth. Speakers at the event included clergy, business officials, labor union leaders and members, Gov. David Paterson and numerous Democrat and Republican legislators.
“We’ve contributed to our society as upstanding citizens and believe in and support the values on which our country was founded,” Kahn-Gearity read in a prepared statement for Assemblyman Marc Molinaro, R-Red Hook, and Sen. Steve Saland, R,C,I-Poughkeepsie. “We have worked and paid taxes for the welfare of all, like the majority of New Yorkers. We have also worked toward a lifetime of hopes and goals, like most Americans, that would bring us to a secure retirement, together.”
Kahn-Gearity added that although she and her partner are blessed with family and friends that do not look at their marriage with anything less than a celebration of their commitment, the Gearitys still experience bigotry and a second-class citizenship.
“Despite our blessings, we continue to experience prejudices in every aspect of our lives, whether in filling out new patient forms with our doctors, the purchase of a home or the ability to opt for a joint lifetime annuity in the purchase of a retirement plan,” Gearity said. “Our ‘second-class citizenship’ as a same sex couple has denied us over 1,300 rights and protections in the state of New York, our home.”
The Gearitys recalled the exact date they met — May 2, 1975 — at a retreat for young women who were interested in religious life in Sparkill, Rockland County.
“We are both Catholic,” Kahn-Gearity said. “We thought we were both headed for religious life with the Dominican Sisters of Sparkill. God, however, had another plan.”
The women became friends through that connection. Within a year after meeting each other, Kahn-Gearity left, but Gearity stayed. Within 15 months, they both knew that there were more than friendship feelings between them. But to say anymore was dangerous; they were afraid they would lose their friendship.
Kahn-Gearity left for school and later transferred to the University at Albany. It was during that time that she shared her feelings with her partner and realized they were reciprocated.
In 1978, the women moved in together, each finished their college courses, graduated and began working.
“We lived very closeted,” Gearity said. “We separated for major holidays; our living space had an extra bedroom which covered the idea that we were roommates living together. For about 10 years, we lived isolated and didn’t know any other lesbian women.”
That changed when they became associated with an organization called the Conference for Catholic Lesbians (CCL). “That really was the beginning of our starting to come out and of knowing there were other people like us,” Kahn-Gearity said. “Up to that point we believed the same thing that everyone else believed, that gay and lesbians were promiscuous and they weren’t family oriented. It was great to meet women like us. We thought we were the only people in the world who were ‘normal.’”
The two women said that today, things are much different. “Today you would be accepting of yourself at a much younger age and family and friends would be more supportive,” Kahn-Gearity said. “But back in those days you felt like they would not be, whether or not that was the truth.”
The women were on vacation when they heard that Gov. Deval Patrick of Massachusetts repealed the law that prohibited nonresidents of the state to marry in Massachusetts.
Within minutes of hearing the announcement on National Public Radio, they looked at each other.
“We said, ‘Let’s get married!’ We’ve wanted to do that our whole lives together,” Kahn-Gearity said. “We haven’t had the same freedoms of expression, the same legal protections, the same justice and the same recognition. We’ve also spent a lot of time and money and legal advice to try and create legal documents that would protect us in whatever way possible that made it clear who and what we are together, so that no one should ever interfere with that. I was 18 when we met and we’ve lived as a married couple since we came together as a couple. It was an incredible moment.”
Like many parents, Dale and Gary Bernstein, also from Ghent, want to see their two sons married and enjoy their grandchildren. According to Dale, one of their sons is gay and the other is “ragingly straight” and an ally to the LGBT community. Like so many of the hundreds of parents who traveled to visit their legislators and advocate on behalf of their children, the Bernsteins grew up in households that expressed acceptance of LGBT lifestyles. Gary had a favorite aunt who was known to be a lesbian.
Dale, who served as the executive vice president of Human Resources at the New York Stock Exchange, advocated for LGBT legal benefits and protections at the NYSE long before her son came out. She is also a trained PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) mother. Both she and her husband suspected from early on during their son’s high school days that he might be gay.
Although he denied it for several years, their son finally came out to the family on the first night of Passover while in his freshman year in college. She said that despite her background and training, she had two reactions: one, that she had to rewrite the future she had already created for her son; and two, she worried about his safety.
“We have told our son that the only thing we were going to say were three things: The first is that it would make us very upset if he didn’t bring someone home to celebrate family holidays with; two, we always joke in our family that it is as easy to marry a Jew as it is to marry a non-Jew; and three, that being gay doesn’t alleviate you in your responsibility to provide us with grandchildren.”
Dale said that she found it interesting that her issues were not about her son directly, but with the fear factor of having an LGBT child.
“Anything that could make your child’s life more difficult in any way is an issue for a parent,” she said. “I never had to go through any issues of accepting him or accepting his homosexuality; that wasn’t even on the radar. It was all these other issues.”
The Bernsteins said that April 28 was exciting, exhilarating and sobering for them. While many legislators are on board with the three civil rights bills, there are some who are not. Although the legislative director from Saland’s office listened with compassion and sensitivity, the Bernsteins were concerned that their voices would not be heard by their representative.
“What was sobering was being confronted with people who have voted their religion in the past, but who aren’t present to listen to the real stories of real people suffering discrimination. But it was wonderful and very exciting and exhilarating to see over 2,000 people advocating in such an orderly and eloquent fashion. I am not sure any of the stories and images shared on Tuesday will move the senator. But being the eternal optimist, I will take the vote on the bills where we can get them and hope that other attitudes will change over time. I think that we have the votes needed in the Senate to pass the marriage bill this year. I want to see them all passed.”
Considering that views of marriage have changed dramatically in the last few years, it might happen. Today in America, she said, no one can deny marriage between races or across religious lines. “People who choose to focus on two lines in Leviticus are ignoring many other lines in Leviticus,” she said.
“We don’t stone adulterers today and we don’t own our wives. Why some lines from God are quoted and others are ignored I don’t understand. I can’t imagine why a love-committed relationship with two consenting adults who are willing to take on the rights, as well as the responsibilities, of that marriage should be denied. No one should take that right away.”
Dale added that there is a difference between civil marriage and religious marriage. “Civil unions aren’t always recognized by other states and separate is not equal,” she said. “We’ve already learned that lesson. There is no reason loving, committed people who happen to be gay are not allowed to have the same rights, and rites, as everyone else. And besides,” she chuckled, “love trumps Leviticus.”
The Gearitys also expressed disappointment that they were not able to address their legislators directly, as both Saland and Molinaro were unable to attend the meetings, although they were grateful for the receptiveness and warmth with which they were received by their legislative aides.
“It is important to us that they meet us, that they see our faces as human beings who fully contribute to society, but who have been denied the same civil rights and protections of other married couples in our state. We wanted to ask them to support same sex marriage and the civil rights of all in this state. And when they vote on this important matter, we wanted them to remember our faces as they cast their vote. We wanted them to know that our faces are the faces of human beings who have been denied equal access and the civil protections of our state and country.”
“Any issue that packs this kind of polarization is always going to be an issue that is challenging,” Saland said in a later interview. “While in the past I have supported SONDA (Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act), I do not anticipate supporting gay marriage. I have indicated that I am supportive of the concept of civil union, although I have not seen a civil union bill. As far as where I think this bill is going to go, I don’t think the bill will come out for a vote until it has the number of votes needed for it to go to the Senate floor.”
Saland said that the Brown vs. Board of Education case is not an apt comparison to the ruling by New York’s highest court, the Court of Appeals, which decided that marriage is not a constitutional right and therefore is up to the legislators and the governor to act in accordance.
“Our highest court has said that this is not a decision that is their decision,” Saland said. “My sense based on what I read and what I hear is that among younger people, they embrace more readily same-sex marriage. This may be in fact generational and if it is not an issue that is addressed immediately, it may well be in the future.”
In a later interview, Molinaro said that he takes his obligation very seriously to listen to both sides of the issues and that April 28 was the first time he has missed a meeting of consequence with the LGBT community.
“The stories I’ve heard from both sides of the issue who support and oppose this legislation are compelling,” he said. “My job is to figure out what is in the best interest of the people I represent, the state of New York and what makes good law. As of today, I am continuing to listen to my constituents.”
The assemblyman said that in many of the surrounding states that have passed marriage equality, the New York State Court of Appeals “seemingly passed the buck” when they ruled that the issue needed to be settled by the state Legislature.
“I realize that there are individuals who are in equally loving, compassionate and committed relationships that heterosexual couples share and are not provided the opportunity to share the same economic benefits of marriage. Having said that, I also recognize that for many of us, marriage has a definition, which is a big and substantial decision for us to change the definition through legislation. As the national and state debate continues and as legislators listen to people, our perspectives will continue to evolve.”
When asked if he had two children and one was gay and the other not, would he want the same rights and responsibilities afforded to both of his children, the assemblyman said of course.
“What parent wouldn’t? Both my wife and I are religious. I pray everyday that my children are loved by his or her partner. But just as there are those who fervently believe that government is discriminating, there are those that believe that marriage has a specific definition. I have always tried to seek common ground and maybe this is something where common ground can’t be found.”
He added that it was hard for him to see people that he respects, who he does not necessarily agree with, get angry and accuse him of not listening.
“I believe that the argument is compelling and has absolutely affected the way I look at the issue. I have voted one way, but am listening to everyone.”
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